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The moment you watch your child take their first breath, three things happen. Firstly, you will feel love like you have never known. The kind of love that gives new context to the word unconditional and brings you indescribable joy.

The next thing you will start to feel is guilt, guilt for things you never knew would warrant guilt. Am I doing enough? Can I do this better?

The third thing and possibly the worst, you start to feel fear. The world becomes a petrifying place for this precious piece of your heart that’s now outside of your body.

The third didn’t hit me until at least 13 weeks post partum. Yes, after Mayil’s birth I developed the inevitable “mothers worry” and we know that never goes away. But 13 weeks after the birth of my second, my own mind became a scary place for me.

I couldn’t shake the fear, I couldn’t stop myself from worrying about the unknown. I couldn’t help but feel guilt for the inability to split myself in two to tend to both my babies. I was anxious, stressed, paranoid and short tempered. I had no explanation for it but it was terrifying. On some nights, while I lay awake after nursing, my thoughts would manifest into full blown anxiety. My heart would race, I would feel physically ill, my head would start spinning and I felt like I had to work harder to catch my breath. What on earth was going on with me?

Surely this couldn’t be post partum depression? Is it the normal baby blues?

Textbooks say that baby blues manifest within the first two weeks. It happens because there is a dip in the pregnancy hormones and it can cause you to become extra weepy or emotional. Textbooks say that after 13 weeks it is more likely to be post partum depression and not baby blues. Textbooks also say that one of the main signs of PPD is the inability to bond with your baby or feeling like you want to hurt yourself or your baby. I didn’t have that so surely this can’t be PPD? So what was wrong with me?

This is the biggest problem surrounding any kind of mental illness. It is not a text book. We are not text books. Our minds are not text books. So today I am telling you that baby blues may just exist after the first two weeks and that PPD or some form of it, might exist without you wanting to hurt yourself or anybody else.

I don’t fit into a box but my anxiety exists. It is real in my head, it is overwhelming and it is all consuming at times. I finally have the courage to talk about it because I have started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have started to feel like myself again and I have learnt coping techniques that help me get through it.

Finding things that give me inner peace made me start to feel better. I phoned my family and friends alot, just to talk. I meditated. I prayed. I spoke to my husband about it. I spoke to my doctor about it. It’s so important to just speak about it. Whether I had it under control or not, speaking to someone about it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It makes you realize that you are not alone and that there is support out there.

Anxiety and depression can exist through smiles, through laughs, through bonding with your family, through lunches with your friends. It doesn’t go away, but we can make it easier. We can make it easier by talking about it, by breaking the stereotypes and by stopping the stigma.

Much love

Reev

• 

During the first few weeks following the girls births we had both our mums visit. During Mayil’s birth we were very lucky to have Chad’s granny join us as well. She is well known in the family for being the newborn connoisseur of sorts. Needless to say we were cared for and spoilt for two weeks post partum.

Being from a typical traditional Indian family there are many rituals and customs we follow in those first few weeks. My mum and mum in law prepared a special leaf bath for me and they would massage me during this bath. I only ate freshly cooked meals and they would use a special “birth spice” to prepare it. They gave me lots of herbal tonics and remedies for milk supply,  healing and to reduce winds in baby.
They also gave my babies a special bath and the most incredible massage. After the bath, baby would be dried with the smoke of sambrani/lobaan which is known as frankincense in the western world. Both the girls would be most relaxed and slept soundly for a few hours following this.

There were also a few strange ones. Don’t wash the babys clothes in the machine or else their tummy will pain. Don’t eat any leftover food from the fridge as it would make you and baby sick. Put a piece of white cotton on the baby’s head to cure hiccups. Don’t go outside with wet hair or a bad wind will make you go crazy 樂 I obviously selected which to follow through with and which not to.

I must say, my favourite part of all the rituals were the massages. They imparted massage techniques that have been passed down from generation to generation for me to continue with the girls.

A few weeks after Mayil’s birth I enrolled for a baby massage and movement class in Randburg. My mum rolled her eyes as she was convinced that she had taught me everything I needed to know about massage. I must admit alot of the techniques were very similar but I loved the structure and theory that the class gave me. The history behind it fascinated me. Here is an extract from an article regarding baby massage and I have attached the link to it, if you want to read further.

“In the early 1970s, Vimala McClure (author of Infant Massage, A Handbook for Loving Parents) brought the art of infant massage to the United States after working in an orphanage in India.  There she observed a 12 year old girl at the orphanage go around and massage all the babies. Even though these children suffered from improper nutrition they were thriving, and Vimala attributed that to the massage they received every day.”

You can read more about the history and the extensive benefits of baby massage here :
https://www.sleeptasticsolutions.com/blog-children/history-and-benefits-of-infant-massage/

I absolutely love massaging my babies and I incorporate it into our daily routine. I find that it has so many benefits to them. It helps soothe them, it helps them sleep better, it’s known to improve blood circulation, it aids in digestion or gasiness, it promotes release of oxytocin and its a great way for you and your partner to bond with baby. My favorite time to massage Sharaya is during the evening bath routine and I find that it makes her super relaxed for the night.

Here’s a snippet into my evening massage routine with Sharaya. The time spent on this depends purely on your little one. In the first few weeks Sharaya could only manage a few minutes at a time. Now we can do a 15 to 20 minute session that she thoroughly enjoys. I use coconut oil to massage her but you can use just about any natural oil.

1. I start with a nice rub down of her entire body. Then I move on to her hands and legs. I firmly stroke each arm and leg, wiggling each little finger and toe. I would usually sing “the finger family” song and “this little piggy” while doing this. Babies aren’t actually aware of any of their body parts until they are touched so the sensory stimulation with massage is great for their body awareness. The feet also have many pressure points that can be massaged to assist with sinuses, gasiness and even teething. I spend time massaging her heels and it really helps get the gas out!

2. We do bicycle motions and stretches which include crossing of midlines. We do little hugs with her own arms, take each hand to her opposite foot and also her feet to tickle her nose or mouth.  She loves this and we heard Sharaya’s first laugh out loud during a nose tickle . The bicycles together with the heel massages worked great in those early gassy weaks.

3. I then move on to her face. I draw each of her features gently. I do firm motions with my thumbs just above the eyebrows moving outward. This is followed by firm motions still using my thumbs from her nose, below her eye and moving outwards toward her cheek bone. I also do circles around her jaw joint and move the motions down her jaw bone towards her chin.

4. Next I do her torso and I spend time on her tummy. This really assists her with gasiness and to ease constipation etc. I do firm clockwise motions on her tummy and then  the “I Love U” motion as well. See pics below as an example.

5. Lastly and very importantly I turn Sharaya onto her tummy and massage her back. I also bend her legs backwards for her heel to touch her bottom while she is on her tummy. I let her spend a few minutes on her tummy through out the day.  I find Sharaya enjoys tummy time alot more when she is on her play mat that is colourful and has pictures. Tummy time on the bed with plain sheets make her very bored and restless. It really is never to early to start tummy time. It helps strengthen the shoulder and neck muscles and it promotes motor skills .

Happy massaging!

Much love
Reev

I am not usually one to worry about being judged by others. I have always been quite secure in my thinking and way of life. I realize that not everyone will see things the way I do and that’s ok, we are all entitled to our opinions right?

However, when it comes to motherhood, it is so easy to fall into the trap of worrying about what others think of you. We are all striving to be some form of perfection in everyone else’s eyes. Let me just say it now, there is absolutely no perfect way to parent! There is only the way that works for you and your family.

And even though I know this, the minute I feel like  someone is judging my mothering I immediately become defensive or start to doubt myself. It makes me question if I am actually doing the right thing? How can it  be so easy to allow someone to get into my head?

Sometimes I think; maybe it’s not even intentional, maybe they ARE just trying to be helpful. But then again, it’s so hard to ignore the undertone of judgement that lingers. Just a look on their face or a curt remark might make me feel judged. It’s made me start to look at the way I interact with other mom’s and wonder if I might be unintentionally guilty of this myself at times!

So as a second time “new mommy” (coz God knows my gap feels pretty big right now lol), I started thinking about what would help to make me feel supported rather than judged. And maybe I could put this into practice with other new or expectant mothers. It made me come to the realization that it doesn’t just apply to moms, people in general might be just as guilty of it.

So here are some of the ways I think we can help moms and moms to be feel less judged and more supported.

1. When you are chatting to a fellow mommy, especially a new mommy try and show support rather than offer too much advice. Of course if you are asked, share your experiences but don’t offer unsolicited advice. Support can be different things : asking how SHE is doing and if there is anything you can do for her. Offering to bring a meal over, doing a grocery run, offering to watch baby while she takes an extra long shower or just telling her she’s doing a great job!
2. Respect her choice on how to birth her baby. Birthing can be touchy subject for some moms and unless you are very close or she wants to be forthcoming about it, tread mindfully. When a mom does tell you about her birth plan and not ask your opinion on it, don’t proceed to tell her what she should rather do or what you think is a better option for her or the baby. Every mom has probably spent days or even months thinking this through and trying to make the most informed decision.
3. Respect her choice on how to feed her baby. If she has chosen to exclusively breastfeed, bottle feed, exclusively pump or combination feed, it really is her personal choice. You can be assured she went through some sort of turmoil and consulted with her health care professionals before actually making this choice. It’s one of the things that I remember feeling most insecure and guilty about as a first time mom.
4. Respect her decision on where her baby sleeps. She may not mind still having a 10 year old in her bed some day. She may also have had her baby in their own room from day 1. Either way, each parent does what works for them.
5. When she is taking time out for herself, don’t immediately ask who the baby is with or proceed to tell her how you could never do that. You can be certain that she would never leave her baby with anyone unless she felt very confident in that person. You might actually ingnite an unnecessary sense of doubt in her that wasn’t there to begin with.
6. Tell her she is doing a good job. Even if it’s for the smallest thing that you admired, tell her and genuinely compliment her as a mother. We are all trying our best and would love to be acknowledged.

As much as we all may have differing opinions on parenting, it’s important to respect and support each other. We don’t know what battle anyone else is facing or why they make the choices that they do. Being a mother is a lifetime journey, one of the most beautiful yet challenging journeys you will ever go on. Having supportive people in your tribe, makes that journey so much easier. So be mindful about being that support to others.

Much love

Reev

When we told Mayil she was going to be a big sister she seemed completely shocked at first.

We shared the news with her by taking her to our 12 week scan. She stared at the little baby moving on the monitor in disbelief and just nodded her head. I felt a little bit worried that she wasn’t actually ready for a sibling. She ran outside to the waiting room excitedly, to tell her nanny she was going to be a big sister. Phew…

Before the birth we promised Mayil that she could meet the new baby as soon as he/she was born and she would be the first to know the gender. Not anticipating a birth just before midnight , we found ourselves introducing Mayil to the new baby in the early hours of the morning. We had two blankets pre-planned for if it were a boy or a girl. Mayil would know as soon as she entered whether she had a little brother or a little sister. 

She ran toward the bassinet and screamed, “baby girl, baby girl!” She caressed her little sister and softly said, “I love her!” It was such a perfect moment. My little girl, the one who made me a mom, was now a big sister. 

Preparing Mayil for the new arrival was on the top of our priority list. After being an only child for 4 and a half years, we really wanted to make it a smooth transition for her.

Here are some of the ways we prepared Mayil for the arrival of her sibling :

1. We spent lots of one on one time together and talked to her about the preparation we went through before she was born 5 years ago.  We showed her all the videos and photos of her time as a newborn and told her how excited everyone was for her arrival. 

2. We bought a gift for baby from Mayil and we had one from the baby at the hospital waiting for when she came to meet the new addition. 

3. We talked about sharing more and we started to model the behaviour. 

4. We involved Mayil in the planning for the baby. We asked her opinion on the nursery and on items we chose for the wardrobe. 

5. We tried to prepare her for life with a newborn by talking about it and being as honest as possible. Yes, a baby is very cute and cuddly but they also require a lot of attention; especially from mommy. 

6. We avoided any major changes in her routine. Try to do any sleeping changes or potty training either before babies arrival or much after when everyone is settled. Mayil was somewhere between our room and hers when Sharaya arrived so all four of us slept in one bed for a few weeks. Thereafter we started making the transition back to her room. 

7. Be prepared for some regression once the baby arrives. Mayil had moments of regression, she started to play games where she was a “baby”. This was a phase and it soon passed. We indulged her as much as we could and we took turns to give her undivided attention. 

8. I was in charge of reading Mayil a bedtime story and singing her to sleep. Chad would do the washing and dressing beforehand and then hand over to me. I tried to let Chad start helping out more with the bedtime story etc. so it wouldn’t be a dramatic change when baby arrived.

9. We reminded family and friends to give Mayil attention first when visiting, before going straight to the baby. What was also nice was that our friends and family took the initiative to buy Mayil a small gift whenever they bought one for Sharaya. 

10. We talked about being gentle and using soft voices. (This we are still working on to date lol) 

11. We did a practice run of how Mayil would help with bath time and nappy changes. 

12. We were lucky enough to be gifted the “I’m a new big sister” book by one of our friends. Mayil loved reading it with us at bedtime. This book is available from kids emporium or on take a lot. She also found (totally on her own, don’t ask me how) a video on youtube kids with a song about mommy having a baby in her belly. It was adorable how she watched it on repeat. Here’s the link to it, if you want to have a listen. https://g.co/kgs/8KfC4B

13. We talked about our own siblings, the fun we had together and why siblings are so special. 

Inevitably though, no matter how much you can prepare, having a new addition to your family is an adjustment for everyone. Some days might pan out seamlessly while others will have you feeling frustrated and on the verge of tears. It’s ok. It’s ok to have a bad day.

Two really is a game changer, if the past three months have taught me anything, it is patience.  Yes, on some days out the side of my eye, I catch Mayil growling like a cheetah at her sister. But most days my heart warms at how much she absolutely adores her. The most beautiful part of it all, is watching your children love each other and knowing that you have given them a friend for life. 

As a second time mom but a first time successful breastfeeder, I jumped for joy when my body proved to be satisfying and nourishing my second tiny human. I constantly hear about the great benefits of breastmilk. From being able to clear eye infections and ear infections , to curing baby acne and nappy rash; it is also well known amongst mommies for its natural healing properties. ( I used to think my mom was weird for suggesting using breast milk as a remedy for any issue that my babies had)

Needless to say, I became a believer after I cured my first born’s pink eye and my newborn’s nasal congestion with my breastmilk a month ago!

But while some of the above might be common knowledge, I have recently learnt about a few surprising and some even shocking things that you can do with breastmilk. Thanks Google!

1. Breast milk for soap – with a bit of glycerine as a base, breastmilk soap can be used for baby or the entire family. It has been said to make skin super soft. 

2. Breast milk for lip balm/nipple cream – the moisturizing properties of breastmilk cannot be denied. Mixing it with coconut oil is said to make a wonderful lip balm and/or nipple cream. 

3. Breastmilk for baby popsicles – this does not take a lot of time or effort and is said to work exceptionally well for teething babies. 

4. Breastmilk for moisturizing lotion – mixing some coconut oil with breastmilk is believed to also make an excellent moisturizer for baby’s sensitive skin.

5. Breastmilk for contact lens solution – as an Optometrist I must add the disclaimer that there is absolutely no medical backing or research behind this. It just totally shocked me so I had to mention it. Some moms have sworn that substituting saline solution with breast milk has led to a reduction in their dry eye symptoms 😱 Please do not try this at home 😉 

6. Breastmilk for makeup remover –  breast milk has also been mentioned as a great make up remover especially for eye make up. It’s also said to reduce eyelid puffiness considerably. 

7. Breast milk used for cheese, ice cream and cooking in general – seeing as breastmilk is, well, milk… it isn’t too surprising that it can be substituted for milk in literally any recipe! 

Of these many surprising uses, I have obviously been very curious to try some. While I may not be ready to try my hand at cheesemaking, when the suggestion for breastmilk soap came up at baby group this week I got very excited. We used a super quick and easy recipe to make a batch of our own breastmilk soap. 

By no means was it an exact science and I know there is actually a much longer, week by week process if you are trying to make a 100% pure breastmilk soap. I must say though, I was pretty impressed by the outcome and it lathers beautifully. I still have to get my husband to buy into the idea but in the meantime myself and the girls will be lathering up with our breastmilk soap 😉

So to all the ladies who are blessed with an oversupply or to the ones that have a bit extra in that freezer stash here’s the recipe we used :

What you need :

1. 60ml breast milk

2. 20g glycerine or coconut oil for the base

3. Oats (optional for exfoliating texture) 

4. Lavender petals , mint leaves or rose petals (optional for smell) 

5. Lavender or almond oil can be used to add fragrance as well (optional) 

6. Silicone moulds or tiny cupcake holders 

Method :

Empty breast milk into a jug. Add your optional extras (oats, lavender, oils etc). 

Melt glycerin soap in a bowl in the microwave. Do not let it get too hot and bubbly. Add the melted glycerine to the milk mixture. Mix well and keep mixing. Pour mixture into molds, if you pour against the back of a teaspoon any residual bubbles from the mixture will not get into your moulds. Leave aside to set. 

Pop out of the moulds and then store in the fridge. If it’s not stored in the fridge it will spoil, it is milk after all! 

Happy Soap Making! 

• 

This week has been overwhelming. The feeling of hopelessness has been encapsulating. Reading the headlines on the news, I felt anxious and I had a constant ache in the depths of my chest. I found myself looking over my shoulder even more than I usually do. I eyed every man as if he might be a rapist. I wondered when that switch would flick for the big bad wolf to come out of the granny’s clothing. That’s the severity of the events of this week, all seemingly normal members of society committed these heinous acts.

As a mom of two girls I can’t help but feel guilty for bringing them into a world that is filled with this type of depravity. I couldn’t look at my daughters faces without wanting to say, “I am so sorry” . It saddens me that their innocence toward the state of affairs will eventually be replaced by us teaching them how to protect themselves.

Don’t let go of my hand, don’t play outside alone, don’t go to the toilet alone, don’t stay out too late, don’t leave your drink unattended, stay in large groups, watch what you wear, send me your location, let me know as soon as you are home… The list will never end.

But I have come to the realization that none of this matters if we keep breeding and encouraging the culture of “not all men”. Yes, not all men are trash but what is every other “good man” doing to stop it? Is it not your responsibility to call out disrespect when you see it? How are you not an accomplice when you let snide comments and “jokes” slide? Is it not your responsibility when your son is learning about sex from his ill informed friends at school rather than in a healthy way from his parent? Is it not wrong to turn a blind eye to your sister who may be getting rough talked to by her boyfriend because you don’t want to “get involved”? Call him out!

As women we have done so much to empower ourselves, to be strong and to advocate for our rights. We are doing so much to empower our daughters and for them to be seen as equals. But I realize that no matter how empowered we become we are still not respected. And that needs to change.

The ripple effect we have seen this past week has been contagious and I hope it continues to grow exponentially. We must never forget the women who had to lose their lives for this to happen. We must not become complacent and we must never stop using our voices for change.

Alot of us may think, “what can we actually do when change is needed on a higher level” ? We are all looking to our government for change, and yes that is very necessary. We definitely need harsher sentences. We need potential perpetrators to shudder at the thought of not getting bail and potential life sentences. But as a society in general we can be a part of the change.

Yes, men have a major part to play in this but we can’t ignore the fact that we have a hand in raising the future generation of men in our country. We have it in our ability to initiate change with them. Men and women alike have the opportunity to mould the future generations of our country.

Having those difficult conversations with them about consent and respect is imperative. Not forcing any of our kids (girls or boys) to hug or kiss anyone, even family members, without their consent will enable them to talk to us about interactions that make them uncomfortable. There are too many cases of sexual abuse where the perpetrator is someone that is known to the victim. Talk about sex in a healthy way so that they don’t have to hear half truths from peers.

We can model the behavior we want to see. This means calling out someone who is being disrespectful and never condoning behaviour that objectifies any person’s body in any way.

It has been a sad week for South Africa, but this morning as Chad and I put on our black clothing in solidarity with the cause, I felt that ache in my chest replaced by a small glimmer of hope…

We are all finally in bed for the night.. Sharaya on my chest while I hold a warm bean bag on my very sore left boob, she’s clearly going through a growth spurt. Mayil is between us with Chad singing to her and massaging her back. Apparently she can’t fall asleep without this. 

Chad and I glance at each other and giggle at just how much our world has changed. Is life as 4 easy? Definitely not. Would we trade it for anything else? Never in a million years. 

On the 23rd of July we celebrated 6 weeks since Sharaya’s birth. I say celebrated but it really is so bitter sweet. While I am excited to be over the house arrest phase, I am sad at just how fast time is going. My little baby already has the newborn stage behind her. 

The sleep deprivation, endless nappy changes and raw nipples have been less than fun but the feeling of completion that our newest addition has brought to our family has been beautiful. 

The nights come so quickly when you are busy with a newborn. Supper times are a blur as we rush to get something in before we head upstairs for the evening. Bath, boob, bed.. Just like that another day is over and we are all down for the night. 

I feel Sharaya wriggle and I cringe. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry… I pick her up for the 3rd time that night to nurse her. I am tired as hell with my eyes half open. It’s going to be a long night!

Then, I feel her soft breath against my neck and hear her little coos in my ear. My heart bursts with love. Suddenly the realization hits me, the nights may be long for now but the days are too short.

Eventually both my girls will outgrow my bed and they will outgrow my lap. They will prefer being alone rather than spending every waking moment with me. I take a minute to soak it all in. I soak it all in so that I never forget these moments, so that I never wish these times away, so that I never forget how small they were or the feel of their skin and the smell of their hair. It all goes too quickly and in the blink of an eye they aren’t so little anymore. 

So soak it ALL in; the good, the bad, the tears, the laughs and the sheer beauty of the little human you are raising. Bask in the glory of the amazing parent that you are. It’s been 6 weeks and I made it. And I am basking in that glory 😊😊😊

Here are some of my survival tips for getting through the first 6 weeks with your newborn:

1. It’s never too early to establish some sort of routine.

In the first few days I started noting the times Sharaya fed and slept. I used an app called ” The wonder weeks” , it kept me informed on when she would go through developmental leaps and had a section for notes. I made sure to keep certain things like bath time consistent and pretty soon we found ourselves in a routine. 

2. Switching day and night

In the early days babies may have their day and night switched. We realized on day 2 at home that Sharaya was switched. I followed some steps to switch her back and it made life so much easier. All I had to do was ensure I woke her every 2 hours to nurse in the day, I kept the environment light so she knew it was day and tried not to let it be too quiet. In the evening we would set the tone for bed with dim lights, little stimulation and a calm environment (this part is harder with a sibling who is a busy 4 year old). 

3. Accept help and ask for it if you need. 

It really does take a village to raise a child and its ok to ask for help. Help with meals, a quick grocery run, tidying up, watching baby while you take a longer than usual shower. All of this will help you feel human again. If you do not have help close by there are amazing apps to help out! Sweep south is great for getting help around the house. Zulzi and One Cart deliver groceries from popular grocers and pharmacies to your door in an hour!! Woolies pre-cooked meals are always a winner and hey its also not a bad idea to cook in advance to freeze for those first few weeks. 

4. Take care of yourself. 

Make sure you are eating well and staying hydrated. Some days I found myself not having a thing to eat or drink till midday and this is never ideal when you need to care for your little one. 

5. Seek help from post partum professionals if need be. 

Baby blues are a very real thing. Experiencing any difficulties in those first weeks can also trigger it. Speak to your midwife/doctor if you are feeling overwhelmed, have low energy or are feeling down. 

6. You can’t hold your baby too much. 

When we were expecting Mayil we heard about all the ways we could spoil her. Try not to rock her too much or don’t let her sleep in your bed. We tried this for the first few weeks and honestly it didn’t work for us. When Sharaya was born we immediately started co sleeping. For 9 months in-utero all she knew was my warmth so it makes sense that she is most content closest to me. This way all 4 of us sleep better. Yes all 4 of us. In one bed…. every night 😀 FUN TIMES 😉

7. Don’t be hard on yourself. 

Some days I keep two kids happy, have a clean house and get dinner made before Chad is home. Other days I am a hot mess with baby spit up all over my clothes and feeding my toddler chicken nuggets for the second time in a week. It’s ok, we can do better tomorrow 😉

8. Adapt your newborn to the current routine. 

If you have a toddler in the mix like I do, consistency is key. We have just adapted Sharaya into our current routine. While trying to let Mayil be as involved as possible we do still try and keep her routine intact. 

9. Baby wearing for the win. 

Wearing Sharaya ensured that she was calmed by her closeness to me and that my hands were free for Mayil. I have played many a game of hide and seek with Sharaya in her carrier and I even got some cooking done 😀

10. Newborns are very gassy, their little digestive systems are getting used to ingesting milk for the very first time. I always ensured we winded Sharaya well before putting her down. I kept telemant on standby and I used infant probiotics once a day. Here are some great winding techniques : . A yoga ball also helps massively to mimic the movement from the womb, to calm your newborn and assists with the winding.

11. Last and most importantly always trust your mommy instinct! 

You are the best mommy for your little one, you grew them in your fricken body after all so don’t ever doubt your mommy instinct! 

Please do share any of your survival tips for the first 6 weeks in the comments section, I would love to hear!

Much love, 

Reev 

Oh breastfeeding… 

My expectation : Me, smiling down at my sweet  little cherub while she nurses happily.

My reality : Ouuuuuccchhhh. It’s a pain in my….. Well, literally a pain in my nipple 😂

Very early on in my breastfeeding journey with my first born, I failed dismally. While trying to heal cracked nipples I started expressing and fed her with a bottle. I knew nothing about paced feeding or slow flow teats back then. Thereafter it seemed like my milk wasn’t enough as I only managed to express minuscule amounts. Needless to say she wanted nothing to do with my boobs thereafter. 

My initial plan was to nurse for at least a year, maybe even two. When the plans changed I held on to a lot of mommy guilt. I set a long term goal that I didn’t need to and I set myself up for failure. 

The second time round I wanted to give this breastfeeding thing another try. I got all the information I needed, I made sure I knew exactly what to expect and I even had a session with a lactation consultant. I wanted to arm myself with everything in order to give this my best shot. 

Our second born arrived and latched like a champion. Yesss! This time around it was going to be different. I was going to have my rainbows and butterflies moment while nursing. 

5 days in and my nipples felt like they were going to fall off. I would cringe at the sound of her waking for a feed. I literally held my breath as she latched. I kept hearing about how it would get better and I couldn’t help but roll my eyeballs into the furthest depths of my skull. When? When would it get better? Even though her latch seemed fine, the constant pulling on already cracked nips was still so painful. 

I almost gave up about 5 times until I got the best advice from my lactation consultant. Never quit on a bad day. And yes while the winter nights were harder, the mornings came and somehow, it did get a bit better. So we persevered. 

And then there it was, that 6 week mark. Suddenly everything did get better. The latching became easier and my boobs suddenly felt so much better! We took Sharaya for her 6 week check up and my heart swelled with absolute pride when her paediatrician told us she was gaining weight really well. 

Omg!! I did that! I felt like a freaking rock star. It made me so happy that my body had everything my baby needed to thrive. We are so quick to doubt ourselves, to doubt our our milk supply and to question  the quality of our milk. All we actually need to do is keep going! Just keep feeding, just keep feeding (que Dory’s voice). If your baby is gaining weight and having enough wet/soiled nappies, your milk is more than enough!

8 weeks in and I no longer cringe at Ray’s hunger cues. I now use my boobs to settle her even when I know it might not be hunger but just some comforting that she needs. I now enjoy breastfeeding. I finally got my rainbows and butterflies. Well until I scream out in agony from what can only be described as a tiny lock jaw and twist, “Don’t bite the boob that feeds you RayRay!” 

For international breastfeeding week I am celebrating my milestone of 8 weeks of nursing my little girl. As a mommy who has had two very different feeding experiences for both my kids I can say that no matter which way you choose to feed, making an informed decision and having the right support structure is very important. Always trust your mommy instinct, celebrate every milestone, take lots of pictures and remember what a magnificent job you are doing.

Here’s some of what I have read, learnt and experienced along the way on my breastfeeding journey thus far :

1. Breasts are amazing.

They can never actually be emptied. They are like rivers, continuously flowing. Every river is different. Some are fast flowing while others are calmer and slow flowing. Both still work in being able to sustain your tiny human.

2. It’s ok to ask for help.

Just because it’s a natural thing, it does not mean it’s easy. There is so much help available to enable breastfeeding. It is not just the help of a consultant but there are wonderful groups on Facebook with excellent advice that would not cost you anything. I joined La Leche League South Africa and it really has great breastfeeding advice as well as leaders that are readily available.

3. Colostrum is all your baby needs in the beginning.

In the first few days, your baby’s tummy is very tiny and only needs the rich colostrum that you produce. To be able to get your mature milk to come in you have to keep feeding. Every time you skip a feed or supplement/top up your body will adjust your supply as it thinks the baby does not need to feed at that time. 

4. Breastmilk is magical.

No lies, I cleared Mayil’s conjunctivitis and Sharaya’s nasal congestion in a day with my breast milk. If that doesn’t make me part unicorn, what else would? (N.B Mayil was not impressed having to put boob juice in her eye 😂) 

5. It hurts.

It will inevitably be uncomfortable in the beginning but it really does get better. Invest in a good nipple cream and find a nice sunny(but private) spot in your room. The UV does wonders in healing those cracks. I got this nifty trick from my doula. If pain persists then consult your lactation consultant or midwife to check your latch. My discomfort only eased up at around 6 weeks. I had good days and bad days in those first few weeks. I also read that if you prepare your nipples by lubricating them with lanolin while you are pregnant you can avoid cracking. I only read this after Sharaya’s birth so please try it out and let me know if it does work.

6. You don’t have to follow a strict breastfeeding diet.

You should actually eat as you normally would. You only remove items from your diet if baby does show a reaction to it after a feed. I followed my “everything in moderation” rule that I apply to life in general. Obviously still staying away from high amounts of caffeine and alcohol. I did learn that you can have an occasional glass of wine and still be OK to breastfeed.

7. Breast milk is not always the same.

It changes during the feed, it changes between day and night and it even changes during growth spurts or illness. It adjusts to the exact needs of your baby. Read more about that here

8. Breastfeeding is a team effort.

Breastfeeding is easier with the right support and education. It takes a lot of perseverance and time. The support from your partner is also imperative to make it work. Yes the split of responsibilities is not even and that may be frustrating but dad’s are the best burpers/nappy changers. It’s also important to decide in advance who you will take breastfeeding advice from and who will be your “go to” on the bad days.

9. Don’t set long term goals.

Take each day as it comes. There is absolutely no need to set any goal on yourself. This is your journey and you have the right to feed your baby in whichever way you see fit. My very first goal was 1 week and I started setting myself a weekly goal. I celebrated every week!

10. Breastfeeding helps your body recover.

During the early weeks of breastfeeding I felt my uterus contracting with each feeding session. While this was uncomfortable it really helped reduce the mummy tummy. And yes, all our bodies are different but I have found that the breastfeeding has helped me lose the pregnancy weight quite quickly.

11. Breastfeeding is all about supply and demand.

The more you feed, the more milk you will make. It is as simple as that. Lots of moms try to express to gauge how much milk they have, but expressed milk is not actually an indication of milk supply. Baby is very likely to be able to remove much more than a breast pump can. I have also heard that it’s best to avoid pumping in the first 6 weeks till your supply is established. There are also lots of cookies, juices and supplements that are said to increase milk supply. I tried out the jungle juice mix and ate lots of oats in the beginning. Now I just stay hydrated, eat a balanced diet, do lots of skin to skin and just keep feeding! 

I would love to hear some of your breastfeeding stories or tips, so please do share in the comments. ❤️

Much love

Reev

“Breech is just a variation of normal.” I remember reading this comment on one of the natural birthing pages I follow. I drew strength and comfort from it. It was true. In my mind there wasn’t anything abnormal about my pregnancy and there was no reason for me to doubt my ability to birth exactly in the position that my baby was comfortable in. 

After a stressful few weeks, changing caregivers at 37 weeks and an attempted ECV our little one was still head up. Now however we had a different birthing team and we were exploring our options. My midwife, Deidre Nel, had taken me on as a patient at 37 weeks and even helped me secure a backup obstetrician.

Chad and I met with both the obstetrician and Deidre to discuss the possibility of a natural breech birth. We spoke about the risks, we spoke about the type of breech my baby was in and they talked me through the procedure of the birth. They explained when they might intervene and when a c section might be necessary. My baby was in a frank breech position which meant the bum would emerge first. The bum, being closer in size to the head, made this one of the safer breech positions to be able to birth naturally. After the meetings I felt confident in my birthing team, my body, my baby and God that this was the route we were going to take.

Thereafter the wait for spontaneous labour began. 38 weeks and 6 days was uncharted territory for me. I had never gotten this far with Mayil. Knowing that baby wasn’t in a head down position I worried that this was the reason labour was taking longer to initiate.

On the morning of the 11th, we met with Deidre for a consultation. I had already started dilating so she did a stretch and sweep to try and get labour going. A stretch and sweep is only effective if your body and baby are ready for labour.

Afterward Chad and I had a lovely breakfast together before heading home to continue with work. At around 11am I started feeling what I thought were Braxton hicks’ contractions. The contractions started to radiate lower into my pelvis and wrap around my back. I started timing them. For the better part of the day they stayed between 14 and 16 min apart without increasing in intensity. I put it down to very early labour. It would probably be another day or two. I did however keep feeling fluttery pressure on the top of my cervix. Probably those little feet. 

I kept Sherry(my doula) and Deidre informed on what was happening. Sherry arrived at home around 6.30pm to check up on me. We started some exercises to get the labour going. Just before 9pm, with the contractions still not getting any closer or any more severe, she convinced me to get some rest. We probably had a long night ahead of us and I was still in a bit of denial as to whether this was labour. 

With the sound of Chad and Mayil watching YouTube videos in the distance I slowly started drifting into slumber… 

The sudden and warm gush of my waters breaking woke me. I sat up in bed and it continued to flow as I called for Chad. He ran upstairs, and I asked him to call Deidre and Sherry. I started to panic, my waters never ruptured for Mayil and I wasn’t sure how far I might be dilated yet. Baby was still head up and I had been feeling little feet on my cervix all evening, the last thing I needed was a little foot to emerge. I knew we needed to get going immediately. I put on a sleep shirt and my gown. I went to my prayer place to say a prayer before leaving. Holding a towel between my legs I got into the car. 

We raced to Deidre’s rooms. I kept looking at the clock in Chad’s car and started noticing how close my contractions were getting. We made it to Deidre with my contractions being 4 min apart. I walked into her rooms for her to do a quick exam and she agreed we could make our way to the hospital. My pace was urgent, I knew we needed to get going.

Deidre asked Sherry to drive with us and to get in the back seat with me. Thank God she did. The drive to the hospital was a scene out of a movie. My contractions started to get very painful and very close. I started feeling the urge to push. I went from screaming at Chad to go faster, to swearing every word I knew, to pleading to God that I don’t give birth in the car.  All the while Chad played my labour song. It was a religious song that gave me strength and it played 5 years prior when I laboured for Mayil as well. The scene however couldn’t have been more different. 

14 min to the hospital seemed like a lifetime. Sherry talked me through my contractions, helping me breath through them and applying pressure on my back while I leaned against the birthing ball. This gave me such relief and helped make the drive more bearable. 

Finally, we arrived. Chad hurried out and got the hospital staff to bring a wheelchair. They wheeled me up to the labour ward. My legs felt like jelly. I remember my legs feeling this way right before I started pushing for Mayil. In my head I knew it would probably be time to start pushing very soon. 

The nurse who saw to me when I arrived asked who my doctor was, whether I was booked for a c section and wanted to weigh me. Even though I knew this was part of her job I literally wanted to bite her head off. I needed to get into a room and push this baby out! 

It’s so amazing how your body knows exactly what it needs to do in labour. The innate instinct that takes over is indescribable. We got into the birthing room, I got onto the bed and I felt like I needed to push. Deidre asked me not to push yet as we needed to get to the full 10cm and I was still at 9cm. Sherry helped me breathe through that last cm. I lay on my side clutching her hand and the side of the bed. 

I remember asking Deidre what was coming out first as she checked me. It was that last glimmer of hope that baby might have turned. She looked up at me and said, “It’s a bum”. Her face looked perfectly calm and so confident. I trusted her. I trusted my body. I trusted God. With my song still playing in the background giving me strength, I was about to do what I prepared my mind and body for. I was about to birth my breech baby naturally. 

The need to push became overwhelming and my body couldn’t hold back any longer. The pushing gave me such relief through each surge. When it was time they asked me to sit up on the bed and Chad got behind me. It’s exactly where I needed him to be. To feel my husband’s body encapsulating me as I was about to birth our baby was so comforting. It was probably all those endorphins 😁 I grabbed onto him like my life depended on it. 

With each push I felt my baby’s body emerging. First the bum with meconium being passed as my birth canal put pressure on baby’s stomach. The bum was followed by little feet, the abdomen and then the shoulders.

The last part, being the trickiest, was the head. We paused as Deidre ensured the neck was correctly flexed for the delivery. They kept the rest of baby’s body warm with a heating pad while the head was still inside me. For a few brief moments I could feel my baby’s body moving between my thighs before I had even pushed the head out. It felt surreal. This was all happening so quickly. A few final big pushes, a ring of fire of epic proportion and the head was out. Just before 11pm and less than 45 minutes since arriving at the hospital my baby was born. 

I held my little one on my chest and I felt absolute relief. I kept saying how much I had fought for this. I did. I fought, I prayed, and I cried. Finally, I had my baby in my arms. We were so happy we didn’t even check the gender. They picked up our baby out of the cover for the much anticipated gender reveal.

She was covered in hair with big black eyes. She lay on my bare chest so content and was already trying to latch. I was in awe of what my body had just done. All the weeks of stress and it culminated in the birth that I wanted and prayed for. Yes, it wasn’t my perfect water birth with dim lighting and background music, but it was perfect in so many other ways. Now I get to tell this story. Now I get to normalize breech birth for other moms. I get to encourage them to ask questions, to make informed decisions and to trust their bodies. We are more than capable. 

Our Sharaya Milan. Born on the 11th of June, just over an hour before midnight. Daughter of Chandresan and Reevana, sister to Mayil. She would have her own story, her own time and come on her own terms. Our immovable little stargazer, she is already a game changer. 

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Our second pregnancy was meticulously planned. We were ready to start trying for baby number 2 in late 2018. I had turned 30, we had enjoyed a busy year of travels, May was asking (ok, praying) for a baby sister and we started to feel excited at the thought of another tiny human. 

We were ecstatic to see those two lines in October 2018. I tested 4 days earlier than my cycle was due because I just couldn’t wait to find out. Though it was still faint, it was there.. that perfect little second line. The first sign that another beautiful little human was growing inside me. 

I had my birth plan ready. I had a very quick NVD with Mayil . I was hoping that for this pregnancy there would be time for a water birth with dim lighting and music. I found a doula, I planned my labour playlist and I even thought about my snacks. I got in touch with a birth photographer because it was the one thing I always felt we missed out on for Mayils birth. 

My pregnancy progressed beautifully. I had very little morning sickness, I had absolutely no cravings, I didn’t battle with any swelling or heart burn. I also had a lot of energy and kept up with my cardio and yoga daily. 

Just after returning from our baby-moon we were due for our next antenatal appointment. It was always exciting to see our little one. Our obstetrician mentioned at this appointment that baby was still head up. I didn’t think much of it as he said there was still time for baby to turn. As I walked out of his office I started with Dr Google (sigh). Generally babies turn head down by 28 weeks with some turning later, but as the weeks progress the likelihood of the baby turning gets less and less due to the space. This was my second pregnancy though so the statistics of baby turning toward the end were in my favor.

I tried to stay positive but needless to say I did start to feel a tiny flicker of worry. I don’t remember from my first pregnancy exactly baby turned. It wasn’t spoken of by our obstetrician at the time probably because it wasn’t an issue. While in labour, I even questioned if she was in the correct head down position for the birth, which at that point she was. 

I started on my mission to try and turn my baby naturally. I literally tried everything. My doula and I joked about how I was teaching her new techniques that were unheard of to try to turn baby. From frozen veg where the head was, to music and a torch to lead the baby’s head downward, to yoga poses that had me spending the better part of a month upside down. I tried homeopathic medicine, chiropractic alignments, a round of reflexology, acupuncture and then a Chinese herb called moxibustion. It was a pretty expensive month. I prayed and prayed. I reasoned with God, the universe and even the baby. I really mean it when I say I tried it all! I tried anything that I was told worked for anyone else. I needed to know that I tried my best to turn this baby. 

Week after week, failed method after failed method, I stopped enjoying my pregnancy. I had become obsessed with making this baby turn. It even started to put strain on Chad and my relationship because I was always stressed. It was all I talked about, it was all I read about and all I researched. 

Week after week, my obstetrician started every appointment with the same words : Baby is still head up. He tried to assure me that we still had time, that baby wasn’t very big and that there was still enough fluid.

At our 36 week appointment, on hearing these words once again, my heart sank. I was given two options. I could attempt an ECV (external cephalic version) which is a manual manipulation of the baby from the top of my abdomen performed by an obstetrician. I was not given much hope that this wouldn’t result in an emergency c section anyway, possibly even as a result of the procedure.

The other option was to wait for labour, scan the position on arrival at the hospital and then IF baby had turned down (as some babies do in labour) I could go ahead with the vaginal delivery. If during labour baby was still breech, I would have to have an emergency c section. The one thing he was not willing to do was a breech natural delivery. He said it was possible but he was concerned that it was too risky for the baby which I respected.  

I came home, feeling completely defeated and I cried. It was a long, hard, body shaking cry. I felt like my body was letting me down. I didn’t understand why most other babies would have turned by now but mine hadn’t. I didn’t understand why everything I tried worked for some person or the other but not for me. I didn’t understand how my body had done all of this before and was unable to do it again. I felt like I was letting my baby down. 

We had to now make a decision on what we wanted to do. As heart sore as I was, in my mind I started to make peace with the baby not turning and possibly not having my birth plan the way I envisioned. At least I still had that little hope of the baby turning in labour and I held onto it. 

Just before my 37 week check up I decided to seek a second opinion. I wanted to know more about the ECV and then look into the possibility of a breech natural birth. Fate would lead me to finding the most incredible midwife, who took me on as her patient at 37 weeks after a brief phone call.

  She didn’t make me feel like anything I was doing posed any risk to myself or my baby. She cared about my birth plan. She understood and agreed on the reasons why I was still considering a natural birth. She assured me that after having a completely natural birth with Mayil with a quick progressing labour, that there was no reason to think a c section was the only option for my breech baby. She said the words I had been waiting to hear, “you belong to me now“.

I cried again…That long, hard, body shaking cry but this time it was tears of absolute relief.….

To be continued…