Stargazer

“Breech is just a variation of normal.” I remember reading this comment on one of the natural birthing pages I follow. I drew strength and comfort from it. It was true. In my mind there wasn’t anything abnormal about my pregnancy and there was no reason for me to doubt my ability to birth exactly in the position that my baby was comfortable in. 

After a stressful few weeks, changing caregivers at 37 weeks and an attempted ECV our little one was still head up. Now however we had a different birthing team and we were exploring our options. My midwife, Deidre Nel, had taken me on as a patient at 37 weeks and even helped me secure a backup obstetrician.

Chad and I met with both the obstetrician and Deidre to discuss the possibility of a natural breech birth. We spoke about the risks, we spoke about the type of breech my baby was in and they talked me through the procedure of the birth. They explained when they might intervene and when a c section might be necessary. My baby was in a frank breech position which meant the bum would emerge first. The bum, being closer in size to the head, made this one of the safer breech positions to be able to birth naturally. After the meetings I felt confident in my birthing team, my body, my baby and God that this was the route we were going to take.

Thereafter the wait for spontaneous labour began. 38 weeks and 6 days was uncharted territory for me. I had never gotten this far with Mayil. Knowing that baby wasn’t in a head down position I worried that this was the reason labour was taking longer to initiate.

On the morning of the 11th, we met with Deidre for a consultation. I had already started dilating so she did a stretch and sweep to try and get labour going. A stretch and sweep is only effective if your body and baby are ready for labour.

Afterward Chad and I had a lovely breakfast together before heading home to continue with work. At around 11am I started feeling what I thought were Braxton hicks’ contractions. The contractions started to radiate lower into my pelvis and wrap around my back. I started timing them. For the better part of the day they stayed between 14 and 16 min apart without increasing in intensity. I put it down to very early labour. It would probably be another day or two. I did however keep feeling fluttery pressure on the top of my cervix. Probably those little feet. 

I kept Sherry(my doula) and Deidre informed on what was happening. Sherry arrived at home around 6.30pm to check up on me. We started some exercises to get the labour going. Just before 9pm, with the contractions still not getting any closer or any more severe, she convinced me to get some rest. We probably had a long night ahead of us and I was still in a bit of denial as to whether this was labour. 

With the sound of Chad and Mayil watching YouTube videos in the distance I slowly started drifting into slumber… 

The sudden and warm gush of my waters breaking woke me. I sat up in bed and it continued to flow as I called for Chad. He ran upstairs, and I asked him to call Deidre and Sherry. I started to panic, my waters never ruptured for Mayil and I wasn’t sure how far I might be dilated yet. Baby was still head up and I had been feeling little feet on my cervix all evening, the last thing I needed was a little foot to emerge. I knew we needed to get going immediately. I put on a sleep shirt and my gown. I went to my prayer place to say a prayer before leaving. Holding a towel between my legs I got into the car. 

We raced to Deidre’s rooms. I kept looking at the clock in Chad’s car and started noticing how close my contractions were getting. We made it to Deidre with my contractions being 4 min apart. I walked into her rooms for her to do a quick exam and she agreed we could make our way to the hospital. My pace was urgent, I knew we needed to get going.

Deidre asked Sherry to drive with us and to get in the back seat with me. Thank God she did. The drive to the hospital was a scene out of a movie. My contractions started to get very painful and very close. I started feeling the urge to push. I went from screaming at Chad to go faster, to swearing every word I knew, to pleading to God that I don’t give birth in the car.  All the while Chad played my labour song. It was a religious song that gave me strength and it played 5 years prior when I laboured for Mayil as well. The scene however couldn’t have been more different. 

14 min to the hospital seemed like a lifetime. Sherry talked me through my contractions, helping me breath through them and applying pressure on my back while I leaned against the birthing ball. This gave me such relief and helped make the drive more bearable. 

Finally, we arrived. Chad hurried out and got the hospital staff to bring a wheelchair. They wheeled me up to the labour ward. My legs felt like jelly. I remember my legs feeling this way right before I started pushing for Mayil. In my head I knew it would probably be time to start pushing very soon. 

The nurse who saw to me when I arrived asked who my doctor was, whether I was booked for a c section and wanted to weigh me. Even though I knew this was part of her job I literally wanted to bite her head off. I needed to get into a room and push this baby out! 

It’s so amazing how your body knows exactly what it needs to do in labour. The innate instinct that takes over is indescribable. We got into the birthing room, I got onto the bed and I felt like I needed to push. Deidre asked me not to push yet as we needed to get to the full 10cm and I was still at 9cm. Sherry helped me breathe through that last cm. I lay on my side clutching her hand and the side of the bed. 

I remember asking Deidre what was coming out first as she checked me. It was that last glimmer of hope that baby might have turned. She looked up at me and said, “It’s a bum”. Her face looked perfectly calm and so confident. I trusted her. I trusted my body. I trusted God. With my song still playing in the background giving me strength, I was about to do what I prepared my mind and body for. I was about to birth my breech baby naturally. 

The need to push became overwhelming and my body couldn’t hold back any longer. The pushing gave me such relief through each surge. When it was time they asked me to sit up on the bed and Chad got behind me. It’s exactly where I needed him to be. To feel my husband’s body encapsulating me as I was about to birth our baby was so comforting. It was probably all those endorphins 😁 I grabbed onto him like my life depended on it. 

With each push I felt my baby’s body emerging. First the bum with meconium being passed as my birth canal put pressure on baby’s stomach. The bum was followed by little feet, the abdomen and then the shoulders.

The last part, being the trickiest, was the head. We paused as Deidre ensured the neck was correctly flexed for the delivery. They kept the rest of baby’s body warm with a heating pad while the head was still inside me. For a few brief moments I could feel my baby’s body moving between my thighs before I had even pushed the head out. It felt surreal. This was all happening so quickly. A few final big pushes, a ring of fire of epic proportion and the head was out. Just before 11pm and less than 45 minutes since arriving at the hospital my baby was born. 

I held my little one on my chest and I felt absolute relief. I kept saying how much I had fought for this. I did. I fought, I prayed, and I cried. Finally, I had my baby in my arms. We were so happy we didn’t even check the gender. They picked up our baby out of the cover for the much anticipated gender reveal.

She was covered in hair with big black eyes. She lay on my bare chest so content and was already trying to latch. I was in awe of what my body had just done. All the weeks of stress and it culminated in the birth that I wanted and prayed for. Yes, it wasn’t my perfect water birth with dim lighting and background music, but it was perfect in so many other ways. Now I get to tell this story. Now I get to normalize breech birth for other moms. I get to encourage them to ask questions, to make informed decisions and to trust their bodies. We are more than capable. 

Our Sharaya Milan. Born on the 11th of June, just over an hour before midnight. Daughter of Chandresan and Reevana, sister to Mayil. She would have her own story, her own time and come on her own terms. Our immovable little stargazer, she is already a game changer. 

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