This week has been overwhelming. The feeling of hopelessness has been encapsulating. Reading the headlines on the news, I felt anxious and I had a constant ache in the depths of my chest. I found myself looking over my shoulder even more than I usually do. I eyed every man as if he might be a rapist. I wondered when that switch would flick for the big bad wolf to come out of the granny’s clothing. That’s the severity of the events of this week, all seemingly normal members of society committed these heinous acts.
As a mom of two girls I can’t help but feel guilty for bringing them into a world that is filled with this type of depravity. I couldn’t look at my daughters faces without wanting to say, “I am so sorry” . It saddens me that their innocence toward the state of affairs will eventually be replaced by us teaching them how to protect themselves.
Don’t let go of my hand, don’t play outside alone, don’t go to the toilet alone, don’t stay out too late, don’t leave your drink unattended, stay in large groups, watch what you wear, send me your location, let me know as soon as you are home… The list will never end.
But I have come to the realization that none of this matters if we keep breeding and encouraging the culture of “not all men”. Yes, not all men are trash but what is every other “good man” doing to stop it? Is it not your responsibility to call out disrespect when you see it? How are you not an accomplice when you let snide comments and “jokes” slide? Is it not your responsibility when your son is learning about sex from his ill informed friends at school rather than in a healthy way from his parent? Is it not wrong to turn a blind eye to your sister who may be getting rough talked to by her boyfriend because you don’t want to “get involved”? Call him out!
As women we have done so much to empower ourselves, to be strong and to advocate for our rights. We are doing so much to empower our daughters and for them to be seen as equals. But I realize that no matter how empowered we become we are still not respected. And that needs to change.
The ripple effect we have seen this past week has been contagious and I hope it continues to grow exponentially. We must never forget the women who had to lose their lives for this to happen. We must not become complacent and we must never stop using our voices for change.
Alot of us may think, “what can we actually do when change is needed on a higher level” ? We are all looking to our government for change, and yes that is very necessary. We definitely need harsher sentences. We need potential perpetrators to shudder at the thought of not getting bail and potential life sentences. But as a society in general we can be a part of the change.
Yes, men have a major part to play in this but we can’t ignore the fact that we have a hand in raising the future generation of men in our country. We have it in our ability to initiate change with them. Men and women alike have the opportunity to mould the future generations of our country.
Having those difficult conversations with them about consent and respect is imperative. Not forcing any of our kids (girls or boys) to hug or kiss anyone, even family members, without their consent will enable them to talk to us about interactions that make them uncomfortable. There are too many cases of sexual abuse where the perpetrator is someone that is known to the victim. Talk about sex in a healthy way so that they don’t have to hear half truths from peers.
We can model the behavior we want to see. This means calling out someone who is being disrespectful and never condoning behaviour that objectifies any person’s body in any way.
It has been a sad week for South Africa, but this morning as Chad and I put on our black clothing in solidarity with the cause, I felt that ache in my chest replaced by a small glimmer of hope…
The Daily Reev 